My Beloved Riley
There are no words that describe the love between me and Riley nor the deep connection we shared.
Riley and I have been companions for a long time and yet not long enough. The joys and sorrows of life that we got to experience side by side. It was most definitely a love story;
Riley and I against the world.
He was the sunshine in my life and the love we shared between us was undeniable.
Which of course made it so difficult as I was facing the idea of letting my little grey bearded Riley go.
For me this has been one of most excruciating experiences in my life. One day he was this wonderful little hippity hoppity Scottie chasing squirrels in the back yard and the next day he was limping and lethargic.
Trips to the Vets;  X-rays, bloodwork, medications and all the poking and prodding did not produce any positive outcomes.
Research on-line for hours often left me feeling so powerless and overwhelmed.
There are so many symptoms and signs that can be seen as end of life that a dog can experience and there is most definitely many types of treatments that should be explored.
And not everyone may agree on the steps one should take. Just like not everyone will understand the depth of feeling you have for your pet.
My feelings of denial, guilt, anger, depression and eventually acceptance and resolution came in waves.
I was in grief and denial. I was crying and praying.
And as time went on and the signs of Riley’s pain grew I knew it was up to me to let him go.
Riley was deteriorating before my eyes.
I knew it was time for me to provide him peace. I wanted him to be surrounded by the people who loved him. I no longer wanted him to go through last ditch efforts that would only add to his pain and suffering.
This wonderful beautiful little boy deserved better.
I wanted him to not hold on for me.
I wanted him to know it was okay to cross over.
I know this feeling of shock, sadness and loneliness will eventually dissipate. I also know there is not a ‘normal’ timetable for grieving.
No one can tell me how to feel. It’s my grief.
And I also know that Riley’s legacy will be carried on.
My relationship with Riley will continue to live inside of me.